Toneless Voice of My Mother–Nicole Zdeb

I replay a conversation with my father, the words
etched on tablets I lug up and down the mountain
I don’t think I want kids
You are a teenager for chrissakes
But I don’t even like kids
          Who likes kids?
But why do I have to?
          It’s biological imperative, or else, what did your ancestors die for?
I think about that question, What did my ancestors die for?
How could I ever know? 
I have census records and secrets
so what the fuck is biological imperative? 
now, my womb feels like a dream
that a snowy bird, a great heron,
ferried skyward on sharp wing
the moment I woke
my womb called to me
in the toneless voice 
of my mother
in the toneless voice
of my mother
my womb called my name

Nicole Zdeb
is a writer, artist, and astrologer based in the Pacific Northwest, home of the Multnomah, Kathlamet, Clackamas, Chinook, Tualatin Kalapuya, Molalla and many other tribes and bands of the Columbia and Willamette regions. Her gratitude to those who came before her and those who fight for justice. She knows that there is no peace when members of her human family are allowed to suffer. IG: @nicole_zdeb