MAKING MERRY BI THE FERRY–GLENN ALTERMAN
SCENE:
Stayville, a water front area by the Great South Bay.
There is a bench, a tree and a sign with an arrow that says “FERRIES”. The tree can
be made of cardboard and should look slightly “cartoony”.
CHARACTERS
JULES, JIM, JANE and JUNE
Can be played by actors in their late 20’s to late 40’s. Both couples should be about
the same age.
JULES and JIM are neighbors and close friends. JULES is very confident, JIM is a bit
more timid, sensitive.
JANE and JUNE are their wives. JANE is a confident woman, JUNE is a bit more
insecure.
Even though the dialogue is written in verse the acting should be naturalistic with
just “a touch” of classical style
TIME:
Early evening.
(Two men enter. There is a bench, a tree, and a sign with an arrow that says
“Ferries”)
JULES: (Proclaiming) We come upon the land of fairies! (Pointing) Fairyland, you see?
JIM: Indeed I do.
There in the distance, across the great water.
I’m sorry sir, but I’m just not sure we oughta.
JULES:Why not?
S’just a stone’s throw between here and there.
JIM: Do we dare?
JULES: Yeah!
JIM: But I fear.
JULES: Fear you not, we’ve come too far!
Come, let us take the ferry.
Then we’ll return to home and hearth where we can feign making merry.
What are we cowards, children afraid to open a new door?
JIM: I don’t know sir, it seems so risky, I’m just-not-sure!
JULES: (Sitting, smiling) I hear they’re a frivolous bunch these fairies, full of fun.
And like delicious chocolate cherries, it’s time for us to taste at least one.
JIM: (Sitting next to him) But there are flames on that island, don’t you see?!
I don’t know, maybe it’s just not for me.
I say we leave, return home to our wives.
They ‘re probably wondering, “Where are those guys?”
JULES: Home is old hat.
As for me, (pointing) I want some of that.
Home is where we’re always pretending.
Rooms with cushions and shadows never-ending.
Lies, so many lies!
But on that island, we’ll fit right in with those guys.
Our wives think we’re playing cards, not expecting us till late.
Come, we’ll make merry, then return home on the inbound ferry.
(Getting up, starting to go) Straight ahead, come-this-way!
JIM: (Standing, going to him, giggly) Straight ahead you just said?
JULES: Don’t mince with my words, just do as I say.
JIM: It seems so far and yet so near.
JULES: Stop worrying, our wives will never know we were there.
Don’t be such a coward, we’ll stay for an hour, maybe two.
JIM: Maybe I am a coward, maybe that’s true.
But what if we like it too much? We may never return.
We’ll be found on that island of fire our bodies badly burned.
And then my wife would learn who was really who.
JULES: But that would be great, she’d finally know the real you!
JIM: Please, let us return home now under cloak of night.
JULES: No, that cloak does not comfort, and darkness leads to light.
And sooner or later night reveals day.
And isn’t it about time our wives found out—WE’RE GAY!
JIM: I don’t know, maybe I’m not. I mean who’s to say I’m definitely “gay”?
JULES: Ahhh, there’s the rub! You’re just afraid to immerse yourself in the great gay tub.
Have you lost memory of that dabbling of which we both partook?
In the cars, the bathrooms, (Smiling) and that time in the breakfast nook?
Admit it, it was great fun.
No worries then about being husbands on the run.
That island over there is our Bali Hai. The shelf is stocked with our kind of guys.
Variety, my friend, is the spice of life.
And I promise by morn, you’ll be home with your wife.
JIM: (Looking at him, lovingly) Those memories of you and I, yes, we had a ball.
(Then, looking out) I believe you’re right, now I hear it, –Bali Hai doth call!
(Shyly) But sir, I must confess, it wasn’t just your hands and lips that I most recall.
T’was looks and feelings. I blush, I believe and hope you know the rest of it all.
JULES: (Gently) Do not blush my friend, I must confess too.
— I also have such feelings for you.
JIM: (Smiling) You do?
JULES: Yes, we just need to work it through.
So come, let us commence to the island of fire.
We’ll dance and play and talk till we tire.
JIM: (Summoning his courage) Sir, I would love to kiss you.
JULES: And me you.
(THEY both get up, look at each other, then kiss. But then suddenly we hear)
JANE (Offstage): Where?!
JUNE (OS): He said it’s over there.
JULES: (Terrified) Our wives!
JANE (OS): Down there by the water.
JUNE (OS): M’lady, I still don’t think we oughta,
JULES: (Whispering) Quick, let us hide behind that tree.
JIM: But why don’t we…?
JULES and JANE: Don’t argue, come with me!
(THE men hide behind the tree, peaking out. The women arrive, look out).
JUNE: So that’s it, the island of fire, right over there.
JANE: (Smiling) Yeah.
JIM: (Whispering) I’m so terrified, this is more than I can bear.
JULES: (Quieting him) Shhhhh!
JUNE: I don’t know, I still don’t think it’s right.
JANE: No more arguments, we’re not going to have another fight!
JUNE: Alright, alright.
JANE: Did you know that they dance on that island all night?
JIM: (Whispering) Let us escape, t’is not too late for flight.
JULES: Shhhh.
JANE: They’re playing cards, our men, will be gone all night.
JUNE: (Sitting) Do you really think what we’re doing is right?
JIM (Whispering): The noose around our necks is starting to get tight.
JUNE: I’m trying to make this adventure okay.
JANE: (Joining her, smiling) My plum, when the cats are away the mice do play.
JULES (Whispering): Hm, I want to hear what else they have to say.
JANE: My dear sweet friend, be not be afraid.
JUNE: But if they ever found out….!
JANE: (Kissing her) Don’t worry, it’ll be okay.
JUNE: I must admit I’ve been worrying about this all day.
JANE: Just think with your heart and not with your head.
Aren’t you tired of always pretending you’re not dead?
JUNE: My life as a wife has always been pretending.
Long gone is that dream of ever having a happy ending.
JANE: (Putting her arms around JUNE) Well sometimes dear, dreams just need mending.
What you’ve been saying seems so terribly sad.
JUNE: That’s all I know, alI I’ve ever had. I mean it’s not like the man I married is cruel or
bad.
JANE: That’s why we both need this get-away.
Where people like us can go to play.
JULES: (Whispering, smiling) Like us? ! Methinks we might not be the only strays.
JIM: (Whispering, smiling) This may end up being a wonderful day.
JANE: You see my sweet, I’ve been there before.
JULES (Whispering): What?!
JANE: I too knew something was missing, that I wanted something more.
JUNE: You’ve been there, how did you ever get away?
JANE: One time when he was away. (Smiling) When he was at work, I was at play.
JUNE: I’m so tired of our secrets.
JANE: You’ll see, they’ll be gone when we cross that Great South Bay.
JIM: (A whisper) I’ve heard enough, can’t you see? (Loudly) OUR WIVES ARE GAY!
JUNE: (Both women quickly stand) Who said that, who’s hiding behind that tree?!
JULES: (Both men come out from hiding. JULES is wearing a playful smile)
Hello honey, s’just your husband, —little old me.
JUNE: My God, this is such a surprise!
JIM: I know, I can see it in your eyes.
JANE: Et tu Brute, I guess the gig’s up.
JULES: Fear not my wife, I’ve just discovered we share the same cup.
JUNE: Did you follow us, you two?
JULES: I think what’s more interesting now is who’s here with who?
JANE: (Relieved) Y’know, I’m starting to think that same thing too.
This is turning into a room with quite a view
JIM: (Running over to JUNE, clinging to her) June, I’m so sorry!
JUNE: Yes Jim, I am too!
JULES: Now stop that, both of you!
JANE: Why be scared or sorry?
We’ve just learned something wonderfully new.
JUNE: But– doesn’t this mean that our marriages are through?
JULES: No, I’m not sure that’s totally true.
JANE: (Smiling) There might be a couple of things we just need to do.
JULES: Like finally declare who’s here with who.
JANE: June, do not fear, but I wish to offer my hand to you.
JUNE: (Lovingly) Your hand, to me, you do?
JANE: (JANE goes over to JULES, lovingly kisses him on the cheek; he smiles. SHE then
goes to JUNE offers her her hand).
The time of pretending is finally through. (JUNE smiles, goes to JIM and gently kisses
him on the cheek. He smiles, then JUNE goes over to JANE, takes her hand)
JULES: I love how this darkness of night is turning into such a bright day.
JIM: (Relieved, smiling) Well like they say where there’s a will, there’s a way.
JULES: (To JIM, tenderly) Whatever you wish for you just have to say. And maybe if you’re
lucky you might get your way. This drama now ends, but not our play.
JIM: What you’ve been saying is so very true.
Jules, I should have just listened to you.
JUNE: Jane, I’ve been so frightened, so filled with fear.
JANE: Not anymore, that’s over now, my dear.
JULES: Suddenly the road ahead seems so clear. (Smiling) C’mon guys, let’s get out of here.
JANE: (Smiling) All’s well that ends well has never been more true.
JULES: We just needed to make something old into something new.
JIM: Listen everyone, can you hear?
JUNE: What?
JIM: Bali Hai doth call!
The island of fire, Fire Island, awaits us all.
JANE: Two households, now both alike in dignity.
JULES: (Putting his arms around JIM, as they start to leave) Come my friend, just wait till
you see, that the isle of fire is really the island of free.
(They all leave, hand in hand, going to the ferry. JANE with JUNE, and JIM with
JULES. As the lights slowly dim)
END OF PLAY
***
Glenn Alterman is the author of 32 theater related books, including 11 books of original monologues. He is listed at RecordSetter.com for “The Most Published Author of Original Monologues For Actors.” His plays and monologues have appeared in 35 “Best Play’s” “Best Monologues” anthologies. He’s won The Arts and Letters Award In Drama, Julio T. Nunez Arts Grant, Bloomington Playwrights Project (Reva Shiner Award), Pittsburgh New Works Festival, Kaufman Award and over 60 playwriting competitions. Recently he was awarded a second French Arts Grant. His work has been performed at, Primary Stages, Barrington Stage, New Circle Theater Co., Circle Rep. Theater, LaMama, Beverly Hills Rep., Pittsburgh New Works Festival, and at many other theaters all over the U.S. and on three continents.